A short guide to the kinds of pigeons that mistake public space for rank.
Field Guide to Overconfident Pigeons
Not every pigeon is a threat. Some are simply carrying themselves with a level of confidence that suggests they believe the pavement, nearby benches, and a portion of the municipal budget belong to them. The trick is recognizing when you are in the presence of ordinary bird behavior and when you are being sized up by middle management.
Threat Levels
Level 1: Crumb Auditor
Appears harmless, but is watching your lunch with bureaucratic focus. It has never filed a report, but it strongly implies that it could.
Level 2: Sidewalk Influencer
Refuses to move, maintains eye contact, and somehow makes you feel like the one who is in the way.
Level 3: Regional Vice Pigeon
Travels with two associates and gives the impression that every dropped crumb in the district has already been allocated. You do not know who elected it, but the posture suggests a decisive victory.
Recommended Response
Offer no crumbs, make no promises, and continue walking like you have somewhere more important to be. If that fails, return to the homepage and recover your dignity there.